The Moste Secret Diary Of One Hyuuga Hinata
by Cornuthaum
Summary: Diaries are a good stress-relief. Hyuuga Hinata, madly in love on top of being an over-worked med-jounin of Konoha, age 22, agrees whole-heartedly. Oneshot


The Most Secret Diary Of One Hyuuga Hinata

Anyone who reads this agrees to willingly submit to twenty-four days of torture at my hands. Be advised that by reading this, I have the authority to do with your carcass as I please.

Entry #2492 :  
Saw Naruto and his team leave today. Sucked. Hard. Stomped to my office in a miserable mood. Finished brewing the new batch of in-combat healing fluid. Scared some genin shitless by telling him some horror stories about blood and gore. Sissy. Has probably never seen someone die before his eyes.  
Today's genin are weak. Well, not fair. I wasn't any better. But to quote Mitarashi; "I rule, you suck, so I can lord it over you weenies".  
They get sixteen like this guy here and never even draw blood. Not even I managed that.  
Unlike Naruto. HE fought so hard, battled so much, all in his fruitless efforts to get Sasuke back to the Leaf.  
Argh. Must not fangirl overly much. That path is fraught with peril; Peril I am unwilling to expose myself to.  
Naruto is off to terminate Uchiha Itachi, by his side the one that threatens my place as Heir of the Clan.

Funny, isn't it, that I'm regarding Neji as a threat ... but he is. Prodigy. Genius. Mastermind of the Leaf's most successful raids against the sound. First branch house member to earn ascension to the main house. Very sure he's vying for what is mine.

I fought so much, trained so hard, mingled blood and tears just for the sake of proving my worth and become Leader of the Hyuuga Clan.  
But while my family matters want me to hate Neji, I can't.  
His life sucks even more than mine.

Entry #2495:  
A month has passed since Naruto left.  
Bad mood getting worse.  
Can't help but miss him.  
Made a genin flee while screaming in terror. Father is very proud of that.  
All I did was telling him that I could see his innards with my bloodline. Described to that hapless genin how they snaked against each other, a wobbling mass of flesh waiting for some Sound-nin to spill them unto the floor. Added a maniacal laughter to that.

The genin actually wet himself. That was what made father proud of me - I showed a promise of being intimidating.

Entry #2498:  
Two long, boring months since Naruto left.  
Bad mood reaching critical levels.  
Managed to scare Hanabi into "reclining to train in the forest". Am proud of myself. Stupid stuck-a-broom-up-her-ass sister actually scared of me.  
Not so hard. Learned from the masters - Neji and father. Glared at her, scrutinizing her, telling her exactly where she had which flaws in her defense.  
Cackled. Again. Can't help it, but cackling madly really puts you up a notch on the "Frightening-Bad-Ass" scale.  
Hokage assigned me to standing medical duty. Said that the research personal had requested me to take a week's worth of leave from the lab.  
Maybe breathing down their necks while they made their concoctions and muttering under my breath at the same time was not so good of an idea.

Entry #2501:

Three months passed since Naruto left. Rather, three months since he left and twenty-one hours since he came back.  
Remember what I said about Neji's life sucking more than mine ? Scrap that.  
All members of the termination squad were alive, happy and healthy - except Naruto.  
Not good. Not good at all.  
Fortunately, was Medic-On-Duty; Tsunade-shishou still hasn't let me back to the R&D people.  
Naruto extremely heavily wounded and apparently suffering from lingering effects of chakra burnout and s-class genjutsu.  
Confirmed Neji's suspicions. Unfortunate, but unavoidable.  
Don't care, though. Glared so hard at Neji that even he backed off. If it hadn't been for Naruto's condition, I'd done a happy jig to celebrate getting rid of that security hole.

In-depth examination results of Uzumaki Naruto, to be preserved for posterity:  
Severe mental trauma and foreign, malicious chakra in spiral-coil centered on his abdomen. Cannot decide whether the stuff is corroding him or healing him; Most likely both.

Asked Tsunade-shishou to assign me as primary healer for Naruto. Was denied.  
Surreptitiously got her to a game of Exploding Poker (Note to Self: Why did Tsunade-shishou design a game that involves randomly flinging exploding playing cards at each other?) I could be Naruto's primary healer or not.

Used all my intimidation techniques. Didn't work during the game. So I beat Tsunade the classical way - I cheated. Yes, cheated, in a card game nonetheless. I love my bloodline limit and the hardly known fact that it gives us Hyuuga three feet infravision if we want.

I wanted. I won. I got what I want.

Tsunade-shishou is fuming. Trying to figure how I could beat her in a game she designed.

Poor, poor "Legendary Sucker". She's probably been cheated on since she started gambling.  
But sometimes, fairness doesn't count, especially when it comes to either money, war or love.

Another of the lections Naruto had given me over the past few years. Alongside with things like "train yourself in body and mind, and crush those who oppose you, if you can't talk them down", or "Hinata, if you're lacking strength, scare the other one away".  
He was right, of course.

Speaking of scaring... Genin has friends. Easily intimidated, all of them.

Entry #2502:  
Memory imprints of the Uchiha Brothers (Note to self: Must not smack Naruto for taking on both remaining Uchiha) have taken residence in Naruto's head. Effects on psyche are catastrophic; Tsunade-shishou agrees that it will not be long until he is irredeemably insane.

Did my best techniques to counteract the physical deterioration of his brain due to nervous overload.

They worked. Of course. When a Hyuuga decides to do something, we are the best of the elite. We are unstoppable, we are perfection given flesh. And I decided to save Naruto. So I did, too. Maybe Neji was right about all Hyuuga being destined for greatness?

Naruto told me in his feverish spasms about a nine-tailed fox demon sealed within him.  
Couldn't believe it. At first.

Caring-loving-friendly-cuddly-cute Naruto had a demon sealed within him. I know that now.

Managed to get father to tell me. His buttons are so easy to push if you mention defying the Hokage.

He can't stand her - mostly because she is a woman and he can't beat her in combat.  
Stupid, moronic, hare-brained, lame-assed excuse of a dimwit sexist I have for a father. Nonetheless, he is a hare-brained, lame-ass excuse of a sexist dimwit who happens to be an excellent teacher when it comes to glaring with the byakugan.

Notice to self: Pale white eyes apparently very disturbing for people not used to them. Weird.

Further notes on patient Uzumaki Naruto:  
Parts of the time he believes he's either Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi or an amalgam of both (Left hand tries to stop right hand from strangling himself, while comical, deeply disturbing)  
Realized that I couldn't drive away these memories without frying his brain.

Sucks. Big-time.

Vented frustration on the same genin again. Poor sod is developing a paranoid streak. Can't spot a Jounin, though. Maybe the whole "Demon Spider Queen Out To Eat Your Heart" act was too much? Naah.  
Scaring them is too much fun to stop.

Entry #2524:  
Naruto's condition is improving after I figured out how he could deal with his peculiar condition.

Instead of banishing the voices as we usually do, I taught him to accept and learn from these two.

The extent of Uchiha Itachi's knowledge about the Hyuuga is surprising. He knows the clan law almost as good as Neji, and better than even I do. And so much more. Techniques without end, it seems. Breaking Bloodline users with torture and extracting as much of these bloodlines even in combat conditions. Almost all of the Leaf's forbidden techniques, seventy-four ways to set things - and people - on fire and two supposedly secret Hyuuga family recipes for fried pork.

And Naruto can access it all in less than a blink of an eye.

All he needs to do, to quote him, is "to get that annoying ex-ANBU to work with me". He refuses to tell me the price, though.

And as for Sasuke's memories ... must not go and strangle the remains of the Uchiha. Apparently, he went after anything humanoid with legs; Naruto reports that "Man-whore" would not have been an insult to Sasuke. (Note to self: Maybe that means Naruto wouldn't say no to Kiba joining us some time?)  
Naruto just smiles broadly when asked about the price asked for that knowledge.  
Naruto described what he did as "talking to myself, only that it's not really myself, yet a part of me ... arrrgh, brain hurts, too much thinking".  
Believe me, I fell from my chair I was sitting in, doubling over with laughter.

Have been told by Naruto that I deserve something for all the care I gave him; Received kiss. Insert the demented grin and giggling here.

And a second after that, he asked me if I wanted to marry him. Insert more demented giggling here. Even if it was in joke, he shall repeat that sooner or later.

Can see the epic romance budding already. Must disabuse family of notions that husband-to-be is unworthy. Or Else.

Introduced Naruto to favourite Genin. Poor guy fainted. Must have been Naruto pretending to be a vampire hell-bent to suck his blood.

Entry #2530:  
Naruto asked me to train him in jyuuken. Odd request. What good is the style if you can't pinpoint-shove chakra into them? Naruto just smiles and says that, at the very least, it'll help him if he ever has to fight Neji again.

Entry #2530a:  
Note to self: Never question jinchuuriki trying his hand at jyuuken again. Apparently, forcibly overloading enemy chakra coils works just as well as the knife-strikes we use. Even if Naruto's way leaves messy, exploded corpses behind.  
Good deterrent for assassins.

Further note: Our favourite Genin was in the team hired for clean-up detail. Ran screaming when Naruto looked at bloody corpse, then at him and licked his lips.  
I think it was erotic; Apparently, genin thought it was scariest thing since me.

Entry #2531:  
Found out who that genin is. Asked to be assigned jounin-sensei for his squad.  
Terrorizing them sure is fun. Well, how did Naruto say? "Just because you're not paranoid, that does not mean no one's stalking you."  
Well, a little bit of paranoia can't do a shinobi any bad, can it?

Entry #2532:  
Epic Romance: 1; Hyuuga clan: 0  
Violence wins the day; Hokage decides to practice the fine art of "Why, do you want me to interfere in clan matters, Hiashi-kun?".  
Neji still angry (defeats at the hands of Naruto: 2; defeats at the hands of anyone else: 0)  
Hanabi grinning like madwoman. Very disconcerting.

Entry #2533:  
Found out why Hanabi was grinning: Terrorizing genin apparently is a common hobby of Hyuuga of chuunin status and above.  
Must go now; Neji apparently emulates Lee in his constant challenging of Naruto.  
Must banish image of Neji in spandex from mind; While most certainly accentuating his physique, green does not go with the byakugan.


End file.
